Let Go
by TeenWolf136
Summary: Over a year after the events of 'Stay', Bucky, Steve and Maddy have fallen apart after a tragic incident. No longer on speaking terms and with more secrets to hide than ever, the trio are broken in ways they believe can never be fixed. But when an old danger threatens Maddy once again, Steve and Bucky will stop at nothing to protect her. SEQUEL TO 'STAY' BuckyxOC.
1. Prologue

A/N: Hello all my lovely readers and welcome to the second instalment in Maddy and Bucky's adventures. Just for clarification: I'm sorry I messed up a bit and didn't write it clearly - Maddy did NOT get stabbed with the needle at the end of 'Stay' by Wyndham. I thought that it was implied but then I re-read it and realised it wasn't quite clear enough - sorry for the confusion! Also, I just want to say that no matter what happens in this book, this story always has been and ALWAYS will be a Bucky/OC fanfic. Just wanted to make that clear.

'Let Go' is rather different from the first story and there is a bit of a time jump further down, although the start of this chapter is set not long after the end of 'Stay'. It may seem a little confusing at first after the time jump, however I promise that everything will be explained in due time. Without further ado, here is the prologue!

~O~

The apartment wasn't exactly luxurious - it was certainly no mansion in the Italian countryside - but it was cosy and relatively modern and, most importantly, it had Bucky in it. Maddy thought that she could live in squalor with him and somehow still manage to be happy, simply because he was by her side.

Besides, the flat was only a few streets away from Steve's place, which meant he could come over all the time. The three had spent so much time together in Italy that it seemed weird to be apart for too long - separation anxiety or something of the sort. Quite possibly, they were a bit codependent on each other, but Maddy figured that after everything they had experienced together, it was probably pretty normal. This meant that Steve stayed over a lot, on the fold out mattress in the sofa. This was one of those nights.

Maddy had gone out for take away, burgers and soft drink (and she really did mean plural burgers; those super soldiers went through so much food it was ridiculous), and when she got home her boys were sitting on the couch, watching a baseball match with only half of their attention.

"Finally!" Bucky jumped up when she opened the door and took the brown paper bag from her hands. "I thought these joints were supposed to serve 'fast' food."

"Yeah well when you have to order half the bloody menu because you two eat such ridiculous amounts, it's gonna take a little long-" She was cut off when Bucky swooped down to kiss her, pressing his lips against her own in what was supposed to be a simple kiss, but, as always, turned into something more. Maddy however, conscious of Steve's presence and now enlightened to his true feelings for her since her conversation with Ellie back in Italy, quickly pulled back. Bucky didn't seem to mind, oblivious as he was to his best friend's feelings. Maddy glanced self-consciously at Steve but he didn't seem to be paying attention, pulling plates out of the cupboard for them to eat off of.

"At least Steve's actually useful," she joked in an attempt to break the tension that only she could feel, as she began pulling the food out of the bag and putting it on the plates. "I got the mail too." She dumped a small bundle of letters onto the kitchen counter before popping a chip into her mouth and beginning to sort through them. "Jeez, we got a bunch of bills already and we haven't even been here a month," she muttered, before one particular envelope caught her eye. _That's weird,_ she thought. The envelope was emblazoned with the Stark Industries logo and addressed to her specifically. She turned it over and peeled it open before pulling out the letter inside.

"What's that?" Bucky questioned around a mouthful of food. She would have shot him a dirty look for speaking whilst eating, but she was too busy reading the letter.

"Um…It's a job offer," she said in disbelief. "From Stark Industries."

Both of the super soldiers froze. "Wait what?" Steve straightened up, leaning over in an attempt to peer at the letter. Bucky's gaze darkened considerably. Although the two super soldiers were on slightly better terms with Stark (read: now, more than likely, if they were put in a room together it was probable - although not definite - that no one would be killed), it still didn't mean that all of their issues were solved. In fact, far from it, Bucky still harboured a lot of guilt over the murder of Stark's parents and Stark was, undoubtedly, still furious. He probably always would be.

"They want to offer me a position as...Head Engineer of Stark's new clean energy division," she still could barely believe what she was reading. "Maybe.. Maybe he doesn't realise who I am, you know? Maybe he doesn't realise I'm the same girl he met in Germany," she suggested.

Steve immediately shook his head. "No, trust me Stark doesn't do things without a specific purpose. He definitely knows. Maybe it's...some kind of olive branch?" Steve suggested, ever the optimist.

Working at Stark Industries would have practically been a dream come true for Maddy, but seeing the look on Bucky's face immediately made Maddy's mind up for her. She could tell that her working for Stark would be a complete conflict of interest and clearly it would make Bucky uncomfortable. She'd sacrificed a lot more for him with a lot less thought before, so really this wasn't even that big of a deal. She tucked the letter back into the envelope and dropped it into the trash. "It doesn't matter. I already have a job lined up and I don't want to work for him anyway."

"You said yourself that the job you have lined up isn't even close to being as highly ranked as your last one and you clearly have way more potential," Bucky muttered darkly.

"Yes.." Maddy admitted, seeing that he felt guilty for taking the opportunity away from her. "But my job in Bucharest was also really full on. It'll be nice to have a change of pace, to be able to relax a little." It was a lie - Maddy liked the hard work, the keeping busy, especially if Bucky was going to be frequently away on missions - but it didn't matter. Maddy just wanted to make Buck feel better. "C'mon, forget about the letter," she bumped her shoulder against her boyfriend's. "Let's just eat."

They spent the rest of the night on the couch, watching shitty TV and laughing at Bucky's jokes after he managed to lighten back up. Maddy fell asleep with her head in Bucky's lap and feet on Steve, around midnight after they'd turned the volume down. Bucky carried her to bed and kissed her on the cheek as he pulled the covers up around her shoulders.

"I love you," he whispered, even though she was asleep. Her eyes stayed closed and her hand fisted into the sheet, but other than that she did not stir. That was ok though; he could always tell her tomorrow.

~O~

 **1 Year Later**

 _Her blood was everywhere. It had drenched through her pyjamas and was matting in her long hair. The crimson substance slithered between his metallic fingers and stuck uncomfortably to his flesh ones. It pooled on the hard concrete floor beneath him, where he was kneeling over her shaking body. Her eyes were glassy and flitted around, unfocused. He didn't realise it but he was chanting her name, over and over again, like a hymn to a God that he actually believed in._

" _Bucky…" She breathed, so quiet it was barely a word. He saw hot tears splattering down onto her neck and realised that they were coming from his face. They mingled with all the blood, diluting it slightly but ultimately only adding to the mess. He put more pressure onto her wound, desperately trying to make the bleeding stop._

 _He wanted to scream, to scream, to scream._

He did. He screamed himself awake, gasping in oxygen as he sat bolt-upright and glanced wildly around the slowly brightening room. Dawn had broken and soft sunlight filtered in through the window. He looked beside him, half expecting Maddy to be there, with a soothing voice and calming hand. But she wasn't there. She hadn't been there for over 8 months and, more than likely, she would never sleep by his side again. He looked over at the time and realised that if he left now, he would be able to make it just in time to his little morning ritual. Besides, he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again after reliving that particular, horrid memory, even if he was exhausted from getting in late from a mission the night before. The nightmares from his time with HYDRA had, for the most part, subsided. But the wound from Maddy's near death experience felt fresher, even if it had been 8 months ago.

He rolled out of bed on feet too light for a man of his build and quickly pulled on some clothes.

Half an hour later he was crouched on the roof of a low, old brick building, watching the busy New York sidewalk across the street. He waited only five minutes before he caught sight of her. Even though he did this most mornings he was at home, she still managed to take his breath away every time. She was wearing a long tan trench coat that was very 'New York' and carrying two Starbucks cups in her hands. She weaved through the crowds expertly - she really had adjusted to America brilliantly. He supposed realistically she didn't look that different in comparison to when he and her were together; she still had the same confident walk and friendly smile. She had the same pretty face and to-die-for body, the same rosy cheeks and glinting eyes. What was most different about her was her hair, cut short so it just brushed her collar bones. It made the strands look darker somehow and framed her face elegantly. She had to have a lot of it cut off after The Incident - the same incident that Bucky had been dreaming of only hours earlier - because her hair had been so matted with blood. But even then it had still come down to below her breasts. She had cut the remainder off, to leave it at the length that it now resided, just days later, after she and Bucky had split up.

He watched her walk past the building he was hidden atop before nimbly jumping onto the rooftop beside it and then to the next when she passed that one and so on until he reached the end of the street. He watched her turn the corner, away from him, and walk until she was out of sight. He sighed and stood up. That was the only, albeit small, amount of 'contact' that he got with Maddy now. He knew that he shouldn't watch her like this, that it would probably be classed as stalking through the eyes of a police officer. But he couldn't just give her up completely. He was an addict and she was his drug, and the withdrawals from not being able to touch her alone were bad enough. He wouldn't be able to survive without at least _seeing_ her most days.

He needed to get back before Steve showed up at his apartment, as he did most mornings, and discovered him not there. He couldn't let Steve know about his morning activities - he knew that his long-time best friend would not approve of his little watching routine.

With a final, longing glance at where the love of his life had disappeared, he began to make his way back to the empty, sad apartment he called home. A lot had changed in the year since he, Steve and Maddy had sat in their brand new apartment together, watching baseball and eating cheap food. He wished, for the millionth time, that he could just go back. But he could never, ever erase what had transpired in that short, little year.

~O~

A/N: Hello my chickens! I hope you guys enjoyed the very first chapter of Let Go! Don't worry - everything will be explained…eventually. I'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP my lovelies.

PLEASE leave a review and tell me what you think! It would mean so very much.

Love you all x


	2. Opportunity

A/N: Hello my loves! I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter and possibly this chapter might begin to give you a little insight on what's happened to our beloved characters over the past year. Love you all and enjoy!

~O~

"Where are you going?"

Maddy rolled her eyes as she stuffed her papers into her trusty, old backpack, before turning to face her boss of over 8 months now.

Tony Stark stood at the entrance to her work space, leaning against the door frame and snacking relentlessly on some kind of sugary treat.

"Don't give me that bullshit. You know full well where I'm going," she shot back, narrowing her eyes at him. "I told you I was leaving work early today, like a week ago."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry I don't remember your exact schedule," he drawled on as he sauntered toward her. "I guess I'll just show you the new synthetic polymer adhesive web that Peter and I designed later," he shrugged innocently.

She shot him a glare. "Ok, firstly; we both know that I'm your favourite employee by far and thus you totally keep track of my schedule. And secondly; don't try to bribe me with cool inventions. I'm leaving. And we both know Peter did 90% of the work on that webbing - you just provided the resources. Don't you go taking any of his credit."

He chucked a piece of candy in his mouth. "Alright, all of what you just said was false but anyway. I feel like I'm sort of obliged to choose Pepper as my favourite employee, although possibly that's a conflict of interest…"

Chuckling, she reached over to kiss him on the cheek before slinging her backpack onto one shoulder. "Goodbye Tony!" She called as she walked away.

She was nearly at the elevator when the door to the camera footage room flung open and Allan, who was one of the security guards that oversaw a lot of the surveillance of the building, walked out. A slightly overweight, 30 year old man who was beginning to bald far too young and had joined Stark Industries about a month after Maddy had. He seemed a nice enough guy, if not a little weird. He smiled when he saw her and waved awkwardly. She tried to picture him running after someone and tackling them - as was his job as a security guard. She had a hard time imagining it.

"Hey there Maddy, how's it going?" He asked, going to lean back against the wall but stumbling slightly when it was further away than he anticipated. She internalised her laughter, not wanting to be mean.

"Good thanks Allan. Sorry, I can't chat - I'm late for something. I'll talk you later!" She grinned as she hurried toward the elevator.

"Oh, right. Yeah, sure.." He waved again, staring after her as she hopped into the lift and gave him a smile before the doors shut.

Not long after, Maddy found herself at one of her favourite small, quiet coffee shops. She was sitting in a high-backed, victorian style chair in a corner, with a coffee table between her and another identical, empty chair.

"Miss Madelyn," a warm voice said and Maddy turned. A smile immediately lit her face and she stood.

"Adeline," Maddy embraced the older woman tightly.

"Your hair," Adeline grinned, looking at the short cut. "It's very nice." Maddy thanked her before they both sat down.

When Adeline had told her that she was coming to America to give a speech at a conference for psychiatrists, Maddy had insisted that they catch up. Although she had not had a therapy session with Adeline in a long, long time, she had grown very fond of the old woman and had missed her dearly.

" _Ce faci, draga mea? Cum trăiești în această țară străină_?" Adeline spoke in quick, fluent Romanian and after not speaking the language for so long, it took Maddy a second to decipher what she had said. _How are you my darling? How is living in this foreign country?_

" _Este diferit, desigur. Dar treaba mea este uimitoare - îmi place foarte mult_ ," Maddy replied, a little put off when she stumbled over a few of her words. _It is different, certainly. But my job is amazing - I enjoy it very much._

Adeline smiled a secret sort of smile and tapped her plump fingers along the arm of the chair. "Ahh, but you did not move to another country for a job, now did you? The boy, James, you are living here with him?"

"No," Maddy smiled, but it was a sad sort of smile. "I don't-...We aren't…" She took a sip of her coffee to steady herself. "We don't speak anymore."

Adeline frowned, but if she was surprised, she hid it well. "And why is that?"

Maddy looked down. "It's a long story. Besides, you aren't here as my councillor - you're here as my friend."

Adeline chuckled and leaned back. "That is true, but I've always had a hard time turning the therapist side of myself off. I see they've converted you from tea to coffee."

"Converted?" Maddy chuckled, glad to change the topic. "Never. Just broadened my horizons."

They continued to talk for some time, until the sky was a mirage of orange hues as the sun descended below. Somehow, the conversation circled back around to the entire reason Maddy had moved to America in the first place.

"I suppose it's just...surprising. When I first spoke to you, it truly seemed like you and this James were in it for the long run," Adeline said. "I mean, you went through a lot for him and I know that he helped you through a lot as well."

Maddy felt the great, big sadness that she now associated with Bucky's name, well up in her chest. It was draining, really, how depressing just the thought of him was.

"I was happy," she admitted. "For a little while. But then...something happened. I got hurt because of one of his missions. Everything changed after that."

Adeline was frowning and leaning forward slightly and she had her psychiatrist look on. "Hurt how?"

Maddy's grip on her cup tightened until her knuckles were white. She didn't want to think about _that_ night, about the incident that had ruined everything. "I was attacked and got shot. I lost a lot of blood." She took in a shaky breath. "I don't know why but...James didn't want me after that. Maybe he thought I was weak or...Maybe he thought I made him weak. But...he left me. Like it was easy." She couldn't look at Adeline, because she was embarrassed about the tears that stung her eyes. She had been in plenty of relationships before and none of them had still haunted her 8 months later. Then again, she had never been as in love with anyone as she had been with Bucky, so she supposed it made sense.

"Do you really think that's the reason he left? That he thought you were weak because you couldn't protect yourself? Of course I never met him, but from what you've told me it seems unlikely," Adeline was kind, but insistent.

"I don't know," Maddy leaned back and her tone of voice indicated that she was just about done with the conversation. "Maybe he thought that it was simply too complicated for him to have a relationship and be in that job. Maybe he thought that too much had happened between us and it was all too hard. Maybe he just grew bored of me." Maddy felt angry now and it seeped into her voice unbidden. "Maybe, maybe, maybe. The reason doesn't matter. What's done is done. And I'm better off for it."

Adeline frowned and studied Maddy with curious, medical eyes. The rest of the conversation felt tainted somehow and by the time she was saying goodbye to her old friend, Maddy was in a sour mood.

She got home to her empty, dark apartment. It was nice and spacious and modern, as Stark Industries paid very well. But it also felt cold and unforgiving. A place to sleep, but not a home. Her phone rang and she looked down, a small sense of comfort immediately flooding her chest.

She answered the mobile.

"Did you know," the voice on the other end greeted. "That Stark Industries has the second highest revenue per year of American businesses? Isn't that crazy? You work for the second richest company in the US. Although I guess that's not really all that impressive. I'm pretty sure the highest earning is like Walmart and nobody goes around saying 'yay I work for Walmart' do they?"

Maddy laughed. Her best friend, Ellie, always had an uncanny ability to make her laugh, even when the blonde bombshell was in another country, on another continent.

"How'd you know?" Maddy asked quietly as she slipped out of her shoes and sunk down onto her leather couch.

"How'd I know what?" Ellie said.

"How'd you know I'd had a bad day?"

There was a pause. "I didn't." Another pause. "Well...I guess I did. I can just sense it...And I knew you were seeing Adeline today. She means well, and she really is helpful, but she can be prying too. And despite your ridiculously outgoing nature, you're really a very private person."

Maddy smiled. Ellie wasn't usually a particularly talkative person, but clearly she was making an exception to try and cheer her friend up.

"Also, I have news," Ellie announced. Maddy sat up straight, her stomach twisting a little apprehensively.

"What?"

There was a dramatic silence. "I got the job!"

Maddy's eyebrows pulled down. "What job?" she questioned.

" _The_ job!" Ellie insisted. "The job of my dreams, the job I never thought I was going to get!"

Maddy wracked her brain. "What, are you going to be a cashier at Walmart?"

Ellie barked out a laugh. "No you idiot! The job!"

Realisation washed over Maddy and she leaped to her feet. "Are you talking about the job at Comcast News? The biggest American media conglomerate? The job that I 100% thought you were only jokingly applying for?!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the one."

"Ellie!" Maddy squealed, excited disbelief storming through her body. "I didn't think-...I mean you don't even have that much experience, I didn't think…"

"Didn't think they would hire a journalist who's only had her degree for like, 2 years? Well they did," Ellie beamed. "And I'm coming to America baby."

Maddy's eyes slid closed. She couldn't believe it. It had been so, so long since she had seen her best friend. _Is this really happening?_

"I've missed you so much," Maddy said, quietly. She knew Ellie was smiling softly on the other end of the line.

"I know," her best friend said. "I've missed you too. But I'll be there soon, with you."

"When do you start the job? Moving countries is big, Ellie."

"Yeah but so is this opportunity. My mum thinks it'll be amazing," Ellie insisted. "There's not that many good jobs in Romania anyway."

Maddy chuckled.

"I've already started packing," Ellie said. "I'm going to book flights for a few weeks time, give or take. The job starts in a month and a half."

Maddy picked at a seam in her couch, smiling to herself. "I can't wait to see you." And she couldn't - she'd missed her best friend more than anything. But she was also a little afraid. Nobody in the world knew her like Ellie did - she was afraid that her long-time best friend might see beyond the facade that Maddy had put up the past few months and straight to the core of Maddy's being. She was afraid that Ellie would see just how much losing Bucky had affected her.

~O~

A/N: This was a little bit short but nonetheless I hope you enjoyed! I shall be uploading the next chapter ASAP!

Pleaseeeeeee pretty please leave a review and tell me what's going through your pretty little heads!

Love you all very much, until next time xx


	3. Liar

A/N: Hello my friends! So sorry for the long wait and I have to say the next chapter probably won't come much quicker I'm so sorry. I'm very busy at the moment. Nonetheless this one is long so..there's that!

Also I got a review saying can we get some flashbacks of the past year and the answer is….ABSOLUTELY you can! I probably should have said this in the first chapter, but don't worry everything will be revealed, mostly through flashbacks, throughout this story.

Without further ado, here is the chapter!

~O~

The fluorescent lights hung like small suns overhead, blaring down around Maddy and the work she was hunched over. She gritted her teeth in frustration as the worked at a screw with a spanner in her latest design in solar technology. It wasn't going too swimmingly.

She dropped the spanner and sighed in defeat. She glanced at the clock and realised it was well past 6 o'clock on a Friday night. _I'll pick it back up on Monday_ , she decided and began packing her backpack.

"Do you actually have any friends, Thompson?"

Maddy jumped and squealed, spinning around to face her boss. "Jesus Christ Tony! You gave me a heart attack."

He shrugged, meandering closer with his hands stuffed into his pockets. "Not my fault you're still here at 6 o'clock on a Friday. Everyone else is gone."

She rolled her eyes, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "I'm leaving now. And just for the record, yes I do have friends. Do you?"

He half-smirked, his dark eyes shining. "I got Friday and Pepper. And I got you. C'mon kid. I need your help with something." He turned on his heel and just like that he was walking away, fully expecting Maddy to follow. Maddy sighed and dropped her backpack to the floor, jogging to catch up to him.

"You always do this! You always try and make me stay even longer than I already do. I better get paid for this," she grinned as they entered the elevator. He voice-commanded Friday to take them to his top lab.

"And Rhody!" he said. "That's another friend."

"Wow, 4 whole friends and only 1 of them is a robot! I'm impressed," she laughed, bumping her shoulder against his. The lift doors opened and the pair walked out, Maddy softly teasing the billionaire and giggling at his quips back.

They rounded the corner and he opened the glass door that led to his lab for her. She walked in and stumbled to a halt.

The smile on her lips slowly dissolved like ice-cream melting against a summer sun. She felt her pulse in her fingers, her face flushed red.

Bucky was sitting there on the bench, his tactical jacket off, and his metal arm tucked tightly against his bare side. Steve stood beside him, in full Captain America uniform except for the mask. They both looked at her and her throat went dry.

Her first instinct was to smile. Her cheeks twitched, like a muscle spasm spurred on from simple memory. Her second instinct was to run. To turn around and walk straight out of the room, go back down the elevator, forget her bag, and then get a cab across town. Maybe to the airport. Maybe she'd go back to Italy. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she needed to escape, to leave. She couldn't be in the same room as them, especially both of them together.

She hadn't seen Bucky in so long that it felt like she was seeing him for the first time again. He had stubble covering his striking cheeks and jaw bone, and dark circles under his eyes. The smooth, olive skin of his chest and stomach was marred by small cuts and bruises. He had blood on his forehead. And despite it, all of it, he was still the most breathtaking person Maddy had ever seen.

Their eyes met. Before, whenever their gazes had locked, she had felt something. This weird unfurling in her chest that made her giddy on love. Now, she felt nothing. Nothing but emptiness. Not even sorrow could penetrate the hole where her heart had once been.

She felt Tony brush at her shoulder and could feel his gaze on her. "Why would you bring me up here?" She breathed quietly.

"I need your help with-"

"No," she cut him off forcefully, turning to face her boss. "This is just cruel. You know I don't want to see-...I'm leaving." She turned, but only got a few steps.

"Maddy," Steve called and she stopped, her eyes closing. She hadn't seen him in a long time either. She missed the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, she missed his head strong values and kind gestures. God, she missed him, almost as much as she missed Bucky.

She turned around and looked at him and for a moment she was sure she was going to burst out crying. Somehow, she managed to hold it in.

"Please," he said. She gulped and forced herself to look at Tony expectantly.

Stark looked cautious when he next spoke. "I think Terminator's arm is due for an upgrade. It got shot at and apparently didn't withstand it too well. You've studied it before - I know you have. You can fix it, easier and quicker than I can."

It was, possibly, the first time she had heard Tony say that someone else could do something better than he could. Any other situation, she would have been flattered.

She looked at Steve again, because she could not bare to look at Bucky. Finally, she acquiesced. She walked forward slowly, like she was approaching a dangerous animal. Her eyes trained onto the metal arm. It was scraped and one of the panels was missing, another bent.

"I'll have to replace the damaged panels," she said. "And then I'll have to check for interior damages and see if anything needs re-wiring."

"I'll get started on some new panels - they shouldn't take long," Tony said and walked over to his far bench. Maddy picked up a tool to begin pulling the damaged panels off the arm. She looked down and realised her hands were shaking, too badly to properly work. Her breathing was slightly unsteady. She dropped the screwdriver and it clanged loudly on the metal benchtop. Steve and Bucky looked at her, but she refused to meet their gazes.

 _Get it together,_ she told herself, steadying her breathing. _It's just Bucky and Steve. You can do this. You never have to see them again after this if you don't want to._ There was a dull ache in her chest at the thought.

Bucky's body leaned slightly closer to her, like she was a magnet and he was entirely made up of metal - he was, at least, partially. "Maddy-"

"Don't," she cut him off harshly. His voice was gravelly and warm and familiar. It drew her in like a moth to a flame. But the fire was dangerous and Maddy had already been burnt more than once. She would not fall into that same trap again. She gulped on a parched throat and finally looked up, staring straight at him. He was really there, after so many months, sitting in front of her, beat up and gorgeous. But he was a parasite that she couldn't shake. "Just sit still and shut up," she commanded and pretended that her voice didn't wobble, pretended that the obvious pain in his eyes didn't make her want to cry.

 _He has no right_ , she thought, angrily snatching up the screwdriver and beginning to remove the damaged metal. _He has no right to act upset when he left me. He doesn't care - he's selfish and untrustworthy. How dare he act as though he's hurt at all!_

It was a long and tedious process and the tension in the air was thick enough to cut. Steve tried to make stunted conversation with Maddy but there was a large awkwardness and possibly even more tension between the superhero and her than there was between her and Bucky. Finally, she finished. They just had to wait for Stark to finish the new panels and then she could put them on and be done. She could be done with all of it, go home and pretend this never happened, pretend that looking at Bucky didn't bring back a thousand unwanted memories for her.

They stood in an uncomfortable silence, Bucky's eyes trained on the floor, Maddy's on the far wall, until Steve finally spoke. "Can we talk?" His eyes were heavy and blue like the depths of the Atlantic ocean. Familiar eyes, safe eyes. She reluctantly nodded and wiped her hands with a rag. She could feel Bucky's heavy gaze had turned to rest on her, but she ignored it in favour of following Steve out of the room. They stood in the hallway that led to the elevator and suddenly the air seemed heavier, more intense. She and Steve looked at each other. "Thank you," he said finally. "For...helping with Bucky's arm."

She shrugged. "Tony could have done it," she muttered. "He was just being stubborn."

Steve half smirked. "Sounds like Tony."

She smiled, just a tiny bit, as well.

"You and him seem to get along," he said. "It's nice."

She nodded. "I didn't know you and Tony were back on such good terms. Or him and…" She trailed off. It was like she couldn't even bring herself to say his name.

"We patched things up," Steve replied, shifting a little.

She looked at him. They were silent for a few moments, and although they both knew what was coming next, it still managed to surprise her, like a good kick to the guts.

"I have to tell him."

Maddy looked up at him, her lips parted. "Steve you can't," she protested.

"I have to, Maddy. I can't keep lying to him, you know I'm a terrible liar," he said.

Maddy couldn't breathe. The guilt in her stomach was making her feel light headed and queasy. She remembered feeling something similar, a few months after she and Bucky had broken up.

 _ **6 months previous**_

 _Maddy balanced her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she poured milk into her cereal-dinner._

" _Have you spoken to your father?" Ellie asked over the phone, trying to pose the question lightly._

 _Maddy let out a breath and stirred absently at her dinner. "No," she admitted. "He's rung a few times, but I haven't answered. I just...I don't know. Can't. Won't. I don't want to."_

" _It's been months Maddy, since before you went to Italy. I've told him where you are and everything-"_

" _Are you the one that gave him my new number?"_

" _No," Ellie immediately said, and Maddy immediately believed her. Ellie didn't lie to her, not ever. "I didn't, but as if I would need to. He's literally crazy and stupidly rich."_

 _Maddy laughed at that. A knocking on her door interrupted her. "Hey, can I call you back? There's someone at the door."_

 _Ellie sighed. "Ok, fine. But this conversation isn't over."_

 _Maddy rolled her eyes. "Whatever coach. Love you."_

" _Love you too."_

 _Maddy hung up the phone and threw it on the couch before pushing the short strands of her hair back, out of her face and opening the door. She would be lying if she said she wasn't completely and utterly surprised to see Steve Rogers standing on her doorstep. For one offbeat moment, Maddy wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't seen him in well over two months._

 _Then he smiled. "Hi."_

 _And she smiled too. "Steve...Hey. Um, come in." She stepped to the side. He hesitated and she could tell that he was nervous, but he obliged. "How are you?"_

" _Good," he said, nodding a little. "And-and you?"_

" _I'm good," she shoved her hands into her pockets and then took them out again._

" _This is nice," he said. "Your new apartment."_

" _It's not really new, anymore," she admitted. "I've been here two months."_

 _He looked apologetic. "I know. And I am sorry Maddy. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. It's just…"_

" _I know," she said. "Conflict of interest and all."_

 _There was a distance between them, a Bucky-shaped distance that could not be bridged. She hated it, hated that in losing Bucky she had lost Steve as well._

 _She crossed her arms over her chest. "Why did you come here, Steve?"_

 _His jaw clenched. "I-..." He let out a long breath. "I was walking downtown and...And then I was here. And I realised that somehow...I just keep leading myself back to you."_

 _Now, her eyebrows pulled down and her arms fell to her side. She took a step back._

" _What's that supposed to mean?" Her voice sounded more hostile than she intended. His face creased with worry or hesitation or some other complex emotion that Maddy couldn't quite decipher._

 _He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Nothing...nothing. I'm sorry Maddy, I shouldn't have come." He turned to leave and went to the door. Her heart stuttered in her chest and something akin to panic seeped through her._

" _Steve, wait," she stopped him and rubbed her arm. "Please, don't go. I-"_ Miss you. Miss you so much I can't breathe. Miss you and Bucky every day of this stupid life. _She clenched her jaw. "Just don't go. Not yet."_

 _He took in a deep breath and turned. They looked at each other and there was a silent understanding between them. He nodded. They sat down on her couch and began to speak. The conversation flowed easily between them after only a few minutes. It was almost too easy to fall back into that old routine of close friends. He asked about her new job and how she was settling into everything. She asked about his job too, but avoided the topic of Bucky, even though she wanted desperately to know how he was, to ask about him. She refrained._

" _And you've recovered fine...from-from the incident?" He inquired and she could see the most genuine worry in his gaze. She gulped._

" _It's fine. I'm fine, Steve. I was always going to be fine."_

 _He frowned. "You could have died Maddy. You almost did. You do get that, right?"_

 _She sighed and nodded and they were silent for a solid minute, reflective._

" _I like your hair," he finally said. "It suits you." He reached out and brushed the end of the short strands with his fingers, his hand rubbing against the bare skin of her shoulder. He took it back after a moment, like he felt as though he was violating her personal space. "Maddy ...about-about what I said before. About continually finding myself being led toward you-"_

 _Her eyes widened and her chest tightened. "Steve…"_

" _Please," he said. "Please just-just hear me out." She hesitated for a few moments, but finally agreed and nodded. "When I first met you….I thought that you were going to end up dead. Another casualty. I was scared of that, of Bucky losing someone who...who seemed so intricately tied to his-to his sense of self. But then I got to know you. You saved us and then you took us to Italy. We needed you, Maddy. God we needed you. Both of us." He stopped then and looked down at his hands. She felt like she was about to cry, but she wasn't sure why. "I lied to myself for as long as I could. Told myself that what I felt wasn't real. That I could never feel that way toward a girl that was with my best friend." He looked up at her and her lips parted in a silent gasp. "I would never have said anything. Not ever, not whilst you were with him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. Or you. I started to realise that I was no longer scared for you because of Bucky, because of what losing you would do to him. I was scared because of what it would do to me." He reached out for her hand, but then stopped and pulled back. "I don't want to be selfish. You were the last person I wanted to be selfish with. Even after you two broke up I knew that I could never-... But I can't keep pretending that I can just move on without saying it at least once. Just once and then...And then you don't even have to see me again if you don't want, I promise."_

 _Suddenly she was crying, tears rolling gently out of the corners of her eyes. She wiped at them._

" _I'm in love with you Maddy," he said and her teeth clenched. "I don't know how long I've been in love with you - awhile, I think. I don't know how not to be anymore."_

 _Her heart ached and trembled in her chest. She was so confused. There sat Steve, beautiful, righteous Steve. Declaring his love for her. She could see the guilt written on his face, plain as day. He was struggling to get the words out, like he'd been holding them in so tightly for so long that it felt wrong for him to finally let them out. She knew for a fact that a slightly more selfish man would have admitted these feelings months ago, but of course not Steve. Not Captain America, who was supposed to be patriotic and perfect. The Nation's Hero was not supposed to fall for the wrong girl, and yet here Steve was, admitting that he was not in fact as perfect as everyone would like to believe._

 _It was easier to have an ideal hero than one who was flawed. But Steve was not just a hero - he was also human. And so was Maddy. Humans make mistakes, they fuck up and then try again and somehow manage to fuck up once more. And that was exactly why Maddy did what she did next._

 _She surged forward and kissed him, messily on the lips. He seemed so stunned that at first he didn't even reciprocate. And then he did. He held her hands in his own and drew her close and kissed her like she was the last good thing on the earth. They got lost in each other, lost in touch and feel. His arms wound around her waist and pressed her to his chest._

 _The next morning, when they woke tangled together, naked, the euphoria wore off. Instead, mutual guilt clouded the atmosphere and when Steve said that he couldn't keep what they'd done from Bucky, Maddy begged him to stay quiet._

" _If he finds out Steve….I don't think he'll forgive you," she said. "And I don't think I could live with myself knowing that it was me who came between you. Please, Steve." She was wearing his shirt and still smelt like him and through all of his shame he still felt that burning love he had for her._

 _She had a control over those two super soldiers, a kind of influence over two men who should have been more powerful than any 20-something year old girl. So he begrudgingly agreed. He didn't want to lie - it went against his very nature - but he was also afraid to lose the best friend he had been yearning for since 1944._

" _This can't happen again," she said, twisting the material of his shirt with her hands. "I'm sorry Steve. It was a mistake… I should never have-"_

" _Don't apologise," he said. "I shouldn't have said what I did...It's just...You had to know, Maddy."_

 _Her bottom lip wobbled, but she kept it together. "I wish that I felt the same way Steve...I really do. But after Bucky….I don't know if I can ever…"_

" _It's ok," he murmured, even though his heart felt like it was being crushed. "I know. I understand."_

 _She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, her lips lingering as she remembered what it had felt like to have his hands on her body. It had been nice - he'd been familiar and safe. But...and God she hated to say it... it hadn't been the same, it hadn't been like it was with Bucky. She knew it never would be. So she said goodbye to Steve, even though it broke her heart to see him walk away. And despite the fact that she said 'don't be a stranger, please Steve', she still didn't see him for another 6 months._

"If you tell him now," she said, looking at Steve, whom she hadn't seen in so long it hurt, "then he'll know you've been lying to him for months. He won't forgive you."

"He's my best friend. We'll figure it out."

She pursed her lips, her once bright eyes dulled from their natural glow. "I've already lost him Steve. Completely. I don't want you to go through the same thing. He needs you."

Steve's jaw clenched. "No," he said, very quietly. "He needed _you_." She felt an unwanted anger flame in her chest.

"If he needed me, then he shouldn't have left," she bit back.

Steve opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted when Tony called, "Finished! You wanna come and install these panels so that I might actually be able to go home on a Friday night?"

Steve and Maddy exchanged a look before making their way back into the room. "You live here, Tony," Maddy reminded her boss, who rolled his eyes in reply. She glanced at Bucky, to find his gaze resting on her. She quickly averted her own stare and got to work. Standing close to him was hard enough, but coupled with the conversation that she had just had with Steve, it was practically unbearable. When she finally finished, she put down her tools and stepped back. The arm looked good as new. Bucky flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulder and then he looked at her.

"Thanks," he said, quietly. She quickly looked away, rubbing the back of her neck.

"You owe me one, Tony," She said, a faux tone of playfulness in her voice. "I'm gonna get out of here." She looked up at Steve and their eyes met. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, but then she looked at Bucky and couldn't bring herself to. Stark walked her to the door. He pulled it open for her.

"See you on Monday kiddo," he said. She kissed him on the cheek before pulling back, just a bit.

"Don't ever put me in that kind of situation again or I swear to God I'll walk away from this place," She warned quietly. He looked a little shocked for a moment, like he'd always thought Madelyn Thompson was nothing but sweet. Then she walked out the door, not looking back. It had been a long day and an even longer year. Maddy didn't have the patience to do sweet anymore.

~O~

A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed - a few revelations here! Maddy and Steve? Don't worry my people, it was clearly just a one time mistake. I hope everyone enjoyed.

PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW and tell me what you thought! I want to know! I eat reviews for breakfast!

Just kidding...mostly. Love you all, until next time x


	4. Atonement

_~O~_

Over the next few days Maddy tried her best to put both of the super soldiers out of her mind. It was a difficult task - near impossible, in fact.

She couldn't stop thinking about seeing them again and about what Steve had said. A part of her knew that eventually Bucky would find out about her and Steve, but she was afraid for what it would do to Bucky and Steve's relationship. A lot of the time, she conned herself into believing that she no longer cared about Bucky, that she had distanced herself from him enough to not care whether he even lived or died. But it was merely a deception; she cared, she always would. You cannot love someone as much as she loved him and not have residue feelings after it ends. Her feelings for Bucky would withstand a lifetime, they would never fade or fizzle out. She didn't want to see his and Steve's relationship fall apart - especially not because of her. She didn't know how Bucky would cope without his counterpart.

She dumped her bag on her living room couch and sunk down beside it. She felt a deep exhaustion settle into her bones. Thinking constantly about the incident and Bucky and Steve in the past days was really taking a toll on her. It was like she couldn't clean them from her mind, no matter how much she scrubbed.

Her phone binged beside her and she picked it up, opening a text from an unknown number. Her eyebrows furrowed. It was just a picture. She opened the image. It was a photo of the outside of a building. _Peculiar,_ she thought. It was an average building really - an apartment block. It was brown brick stretching up high in the sky, crammed between two lighter buildings and behind a browning garden that looked like it once held roses. A typical New York apartment building.

 _I'm sorry I think you have the wrong number,_ she texted and pressed send. An error message appeared, telling her that she could not text back the number that had sent her the picture.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She didn't recognise the building, so it must be for someone else. She shrugged and got up, leaving her phone on the couch as she went for a shower.

~O~

"I know you don't really have a life outside of this beautiful building, but I figured I'd ask anyway," Tony said as he wandered into Maddy's workroom, an electronic tablet in his hand. "You are coming to tonight's banquet, right?"

Maddy half glanced over her shoulder, but didn't reply. He sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes.

"Oh c'mon Thompson, you're not still shitty I invited your boyfriends over are you?" He questioned and she scoffed. "I needed your help fixing Metal Man's arm!"

She continued to ignore him.

"Seriously? You can't deal with some ex's?"

She whipped around. "He's not just some ex Tony! You know that."

"Oh please, it seems like you've moved on just fine," he shot back. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"What the hell does that mean?"

He gave her a look. "I see the way Cap looks at you. He's not exactly the king of subtlety."

She gulped. "I don't know what you're talking about. Steve and I are just friends."

"Yeah, yeah and me and Pepper are only work colleagues," he retorted, beginning to back out of the room. "You better be at that banquet tonight. I'm not facing old men in suits alone!" He called over his shoulder as he departed.

Maddy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

~O~

Orchestral music played mellowly in the background. The ballroom was decorated with cleanly laid out tables, elaborate ice sculptures and uniformly-dressed waiters. Maddy was uncomfortable; her gown was too tight and her heels were too high and she had hated functions like this since she was 16 years old. She hated sipping champagne and laughing with people she didn't know. She looked around for a familiar face and saw Tony speaking to a group of men. _No thank you_ , she thought. There was only so much testosterone that she could handle.

One of her co-workers, Susan, caught her and they chatted briefly. But then she spotted Sam Wilson and she managed to slip away from Susan with a sweet smile and a few polite words.

"Sam," she grabbed his shoulder and he turned to face her, grinning from ear to ear as soon as he saw her.

"Maddy. How're you going? Long time, no see," he shoved his hands into his pockets. She'd never seen him in a suit before.

"I'm good, Mr Wilson," she smiled. "And yourself?

"I've certainly been worse," he said. "Being an Avenger has its perks."

"Oh, so you're a full Avenger now, huh?"

He crossed his arms, eyebrows raised. "What? You ever doubted it?"

"Aw c'mon Wilson, I didn't mean to rustle your feathers."

They both burst out laughing, her eyes crinkling and his deep chuckle making a few people look their way. "A bird joke, really?"

They regained their composure, slowly. "I didn't think I'd see you at something like this," she admitted. "Don't these banquets bore you?"

"I usually wouldn't be here," he admitted. "But, you know, I did kind of organise this particular one."

She stopped and looked at him and then they both laughed again. "Well, I mean it's really lovely. The ice sculptures - they really make the decor." She tried to save herself; she hadn't meant to just call his banquet boring.

But he only laughed and shook his head. "When I say I organised it, I don't mean the decorating. It's raising money for the VA. Tony owed me a favour, so I told him to host a fundraiser for them. Of course, he didn't want to do it at Stark Towers, so he put it on here."

"It's raising money for the VA? I didn't even know," she rubbed the back of her neck.

"You been a bit distracted lately?" He asked in a knowing voice. She sighed.

"Steve told you, huh?"

"That he and Bucky saw you? Yeah," Sam said. "I mean I probably would have been able to guess anyway; Barnes didn't speak for the entirety of the next mission and beat up a few more people than was probably strictly necessary."

Maddy felt a pang of sickness in her stomach. "Please don't tell me that."

A look of guilt flashed on Sam's face and he quickly tried to backtrack. "Hey, I'm sorry - I didn't mean it like that….He does what has to be done and, I'm not going to lie, he's damn good at it." When her pained expression didn't change, he continued. "All I meant to say, was that he's still pretty cut up over it, even 8 months later."

She gulped past a lump in her throat and put on her biggest smile, the one that could convince even the most skeptical person that she was truly happy. "Well, that makes one of us. I'm only distracted because of this new project I've been working on in clean energy…" And she proceeded to blabber on and bore Sam with work talk until he forgot all about the subject of Bucky, and Maddy's obvious distress over him.

Not long after, Tony tapped a fork against a glass, calling a toast. He spouted some bullshit about the VA that she knew he meant deep down but, if ever questioned in private, would blow it off as show, before handing the microphone over to a war vet to give a speech. She was listening intently when her phone dinged with a message. Her face blushed when one of the patron's shot her a dirty look and she scrambled to turn her phone on silent. Her eyes caught onto the message that had come through and she froze. It was from another unknown number and it was another photo. A black and white image of her, smiling with Sam, evidently taken via a security camera not even ten minutes ago. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and her head whipped up, trying to locate the camera that could have snapped the picture. It didn't take her long; there were about three in the room that she could see. She clutched the mobile tightly, considerably rattled.

"Hey," Sam whispered, leaning over to her. "You ok?"

"Y-yeah," she stammered, running her thumb over a crack in her phone's screen from when she'd dropped it once and feeling the skin of her finger catch on the slightly broken glass. "I just- I have to go." She turned and strode through one of the exits, leaving Sam to watch her worriedly as she disappeared. She began ascending the stairs and checked the next level up, but didn't find the security room, so she tried the floor above. She ran into a security guard who was messily kissing a woman that looked like she'd been down at the banquet, judging from the long gown she was wearing and expensive jewelry. The pair sprung apart when Maddy appeared.

The security guard tried to re-gain his composure and stuttered out, "Uh, sorry Ma'am the banquet is down-"

"Where's the security camera room?" Maddy demanded whilst the woman he had been making out with quickly fled the scene, probably back down to her rich, old husband or something.

"Uh, can I help you with something, maybe?"

"Where is it?" Maddy's tone got harsher. He was young and, from what she had just witnessed, more than likely not particularly dedicated to his job, so she figured he would break easily enough.

"It's on the next level up to the right, but ma'am I insist-"

She turned on her heel and swiftly made her way up. It didn't take her long to find the security room. The door was wide open and it was devoid of any actual security guards - probably because the one on duty had been too busy locking lips with a blonde socialite to actually do his job. The screens showed the party occurring downstairs and various hallways and rooms. Nothing looked suspicious.

The security guard, who had followed her up, skidded to a stop behind her. "I-I locked this room!" he said. "I swear I did-"

"Pull up the footage for this level from ten minutes ago," she instructed. When he hesitated to follow her command, she scowled. "I'm with Tony Stark, who's running this function. I don't think he'd appreciate the fact that you left your post unattended with so many important people just a few levels below."

This seemed to kick the guard into action, who sat down and quickly typed something onto the keyboard of one of the computers. The screens blanked out for a minute and his eyebrows furrowed. "I don't...I don't understand," he said. "The tapes...they must have been wiped."

Maddy made a sound of annoyance, running a hand through her hair. _Who on earth is doing this?_ "Goddammit," she muttered under her breath, frustrated and, although she didn't want to admit it, shaken and afraid.

The security guard and herself checked the rest of the level, just in case whoever had broken into the security room was still there, but there wasn't a trace of anyone. She trudged back down to the party, feeling defeated and tired.

When he spotted her, Sam quickly made his way toward her. "Hey, where'd you run off to?"

"I uh-...There was something I had to take care of," she said, and then when he waited for more information, added, "A security breach. It was minor, it's fine."

A worried look came over his face. "A security breach?" He huffed out a little laugh, although it wasn't humorous. "Why would you be taking care of a security breach? Maybe you should tell Tony."

"Like I said, I took care of it," she replied. "I'm actually really tired - I'm gonna go."

"Hey," Sam reached out and touched her arm. "Why don't I walk you home?"

~O~

It was a cool night and Sam offered Maddy his coat, but she declined. She liked the cool air, the nip against her skin, the goosebumps along her arms. She looked up at the full moon. How many full moons had she seen with Bucky? A lot. Not enough.

The image of her on that security tape played in the back of her mind. Someone had been in that same building with her, someone who wanted to taunt her. Honestly, it was just strange. She couldn't figure out why someone would want to do this to her. What did they have to gain by making her paranoid?

"You wanna tell me what really happened back there?" Sam finally broke the tenuous quiet that had settled between them.

She took in a deep breath. "Not really," she admitted. He looked at her for a second, before nodding in understanding.

They lapsed back into silence, until they reached her front door. "Sam," she said, very quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Is he-...Is he really not ok?" She asked, even though she didn't want to. "Bucky," she clarified.

He pursed his lips and exhaled. "You want me to lie?"

She chuckled a bit, shoulders shaking. "Yeah, a little bit."

He smiled crookedly. "He'll be fine, Maddy. He's been through worse."

The thought wasn't a particularly comforting one, but also not necessarily uncomforting either. She didn't really want to be compared to HYDRA nor the torture he had endured at their hands, but it also reminded her that he was strong enough to get by without her. Sam was right. He'd been through _alot_ worse.

"Thanks Sam," she said and gave him a hug, which he returned tightly. He turned away to leave but she stopped him. "Hey...Look out for them, will you?"

He put his hands up. "Hey, they're the ones with super-strength! They should be lookin' out for me!" They both laughed before his expression melted away to something more serious. "I will, I promise."

She thanked him again before going inside.

~O~

Bucky removed the gun's magazine and pushed the spring forward before lifting it away from the barrel as he disassembled it. He had all of his weapons laid out in front of him, systematically and slowly cleaning them. It was calming; therapeutic, even. It let his mind go blank, just for awhile.

"What're you doing?" Steve's sudden presence nearly made him flinch. He hadn't even heard Steve come into the room; a rare feat. _I need to be more alert,_ he thought bitterly. _Being unaware of surroundings is how people get killed._

"What does it look like?"

There was a pause.

"It looks like you're re-cleaning all of your guns. But that'd be crazy because you literally did that less than a week ago."

Another pause.

"I'm fine, Steve."

Steve pursed his lips, arms crossed over his chest. "I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to," Bucky pieced the gun back together with fluid, practiced movements. He could do it in seconds, when under pressure. "I know what you're thinking, but I'm fine."

"I know it wasn't easy for you...seeing her. I know it's not easy staying away," Steve said and there was sadness in his voice and something else too, something Bucky couldn't quite distinguish. Guilt, maybe. "Are you sure..Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

Bucky's movements stopped. He stared down at the array of weapons laid out in front of him. He had used every single one over the past months, to take down an array of different people. Most had lived, been incarcerated. Some had died, some who were too risky to keep in a prison, too unstable to be allowed to live. Just like he had done in World War II, he was saving lives by doing this job. But some days it was hard to remember that, remember that the blood shed was for a reason, for a cause.

Today was one of those days.

"I have to protect her," he said quietly. "And staying away from her has been the only thing that's actually worked so far."

Steve stood there for a few minutes longer, watching his best friend as he went back to cleaning the guns. Eventually, he left.

 _8 months previous_

 _He heard the shower shut off and Maddy get out. A few minutes later she emerged from the bedroom in a dressing robe, her long hair dripping down her back. She stopped when she saw him, fully dressed in his black tactical gear as he slipped his last knife into his pants._

" _You're going on another mission?"_

 _He turned to face her and hated the disappointed look on her face. "I just got the call from Steve."_

" _It's nearly midnight."_

" _It's urgent, I'm sorry."_

 _She pursed her lips and then nodded._

 _He sighed and came over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and gently holding her against him. "I know I've been gone a lot lately-"_

" _Nearly all the time," she interrupted, her voice very quiet. "I barely see you anymore. You come home half beaten to death, covered in blood that isn't yours. And I feel like...like I'm waiting for something. Like I'm waiting for this - the leaving in the middle of the night, the long, dangerous missions - to be over. But I don't really see it ending." She didn't say it, but he knew she was thinking it;_ except with your death.

 _He cupped her cheek and tilted her head up. "I know I've been working a lot. And I know it's not fair. I asked you to move here so we could be together and I'm not even here. Just be patient with me, please. I'll back off with work, let Steve take care of more missions. I just need some time to...find a balance."_

 _She pursed her lips. "You still feel like you're trying to atone for what you did."_

 _She read him like an open book._

" _I'll feel like that for the rest of my life," he said darkly. "But for now, helping people, saving people, makes me feel it all a little less."_

 _She nodded and he knew she understood, deep down, she really, truly understood him. He kissed her cheek and then her mouth. It was soft, unhurried, gentle as can be. A sliding of familiar lips against each other, a slow dance to the music of sirens outside their window. He eventually pulled back, but their foreheads stayed pressed close, one of her hands on his chest and the other tangled in his hair._

 _He waited for as long as he could, just standing there, holding her. "I have to go," he finally whispered, because breaking the tender silence between them seemed crimeful._

 _She gripped his vest tighter, her small hands curling into the material like if she just held on, he'd never get hurt again. "I don't wanna let go," she murmured._

" _I'll be back soon," he kissed her cheek again before, only by sheer force of will, stepping away from her._

 _She watched him walk out the door. He should have told her he loved her._

 _~O~_

A/N: Hey guys! Omg I am so sorry - I literally haven't updated in sooo long! I graduated High School and then I visited America for a few weeks and then I fell in love with Agents of SHIELD and have been obsessing over Grant Ward. I'm sorry!

I hope this chapter was ok and, although no promises, I hope to have another chapter up soon. The next chapter will be a continuation of this flashback!

I hope it's all making sense haha! PLEASEEE leave a review and help a girl out! Tell me what you think! Would love to hear from you all.

Lots of love xoxo


	5. Bang!

Hello and welcome I am so sorry it has been so long. But, here I am? Sorry again. When I go see Infinity War maybe i'll be inspired to write another chapter! So at least there's hope, right?! Hope you guys don't hate me haha.

This chapter continues on from the flashbacks in the last chapter, as promised! Hope you enjoy this depressing chapter whoops you've been warned xoxo

 _~O~_

 _Steve handed Bucky his comms earpiece as he walked onto the quinjet. "What's the mission?" Bucky's voice was harder than usual and Steve frowned._

" _Everything ok?" He asked but Bucky didn't respond, shifting impatiently as he slipped the piece of tech into his ear. Steve took the hint. "You remember that crazy, military woman, Miller, who wanted to wipe out all powered people or whatever?"_

" _The one we caught a couple weeks back, yeah, why?"_

" _She escaped police custody. She's on the run. We've got a pretty strong lead in Cuba, we're heading there now. We gotta bring her in," Steve explained._

" _How the hell did that happen?" Bucky demanded, muttering something in Russian that Steve only faintly picked up. Something about incompetent cops and other words that Steve didn't even want to translate. "Didn't she practically vow to destroy our lives or some shit?"_

" _Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was her general consensus for all powered-people, but probably us especially considering we caught her."_

 _Bucky moved toward the flight controls. "Alright, let's get going. I wanna get back as soon as possible."_

 _Steve didn't question him on that front._

 _~O~_

 _The door creaked open, light bleeding into the dark room and Maddy groaned into her pillow._

" _You're back already?" Maddy questioned blearily, rubbing her eyes as she sat up. It had only been a few hours since her boyfriend left and usually missions lasted at least a day. But when she lowered her hands she found herself faced with someone who was decidedly_ not _Bucky. "Oh my god," she gasped, pushing herself back against the wall. "How is this happening again?" She muttered under her breath, having serious deja vu back to when she had first met Steve in Bucharest. There were, however, a few differences; for one, she wasn't naked this time which was a definite plus. What wasn't a plus was the fact that this woman was not Steve. Also she had a gun. Her heart jumped into her throat._

" _Get up! Now!" She yelled, waving the gun around like it was a toy. "I said get up!"_

" _Ok, alright," she held up her hands in a non-threatening manner, slipping out from under the covers and onto her feet. "How about we just talk about this? Are you here for money-"_

" _Shut up! Shut the hell up!" she punctuated it with a few profanities that Maddy found completely unnecessary. "Those two monsters, those-those_ abominations _, they'll pay for what they are. For what they've done."_

 _Maddy's eyebrows pulled down. "Steve and Bucky? They aren't abominations, they're just enhanced-"_

" _I said shut up!" She practically screamed, surging forward and grabbing Maddy's hair, pulling it harshly and making her cry out, jamming the gun toward her. Maddy's eyes watered, fear making her hands shake. She'd managed to talk her way out of the situation with Wyndham, but she didn't think she'd be able to do the same this time._

 _~O~_

" _I don't think she's here," Bucky said after they finished talking to the airport security. "That report was clearly faked."_

" _You think she planted it to throw us off her scent?" Steve asked, even though they both already knew the answer. Bucky nodded anyway._

" _Or she had someone else do it. She might have someone working with her," Bucky said._

" _Every border crossing and airport customs has her photo. There's no way she could get past them without being caught. If she's not here, then…"_

" _Then she's gotta still be in America," Bucky concluded. They headed back toward where they'd put the quinjet down. Bucky wracked his brain as they walked, trying to figure out how they would find a lead, when a horrible thought hit him and he stopped Steve. "She said she wanted to ruin our lives right?"_

 _Steve nodded._

" _How would she best do that?"_

 _Steve looked at him for a moment before his eyes widened._

" _Maddy."_

 _They broke out into a run._

 _~O~_

 _She'd dragged Maddy down to the basement, where she could shout and not worry about being heard by her neighbours. Maddy hadn't dared to yell for help on the way down, knowing that it would end with either her being shot or one of the innocent people living around her. At one point, when she thought the woman was off guard, she tried to surge forward to grapple the gun away from her. But the woman was, despite the crazed look in her eye, clearly very highly trained and swiftly elbowed Maddy in the throat, twisting her arm behind her back before hitting her over the head with the butt of the gun. When Maddy stumbled back, the woman raised the gun and pointed it at Maddy's head, warning her off trying something like that again._

 _It felt like a long time before she heard the loud sound of the landing quinjet outside. They must have literally been landing it on the street. The woman panicked and then she just...pulled the trigger. Just like that._

 _The gunshot was loud, ringing in Maddy's ears and making her light headed. Or maybe it was the blood pouring out of her side that was making her light headed. She wasn't sure. At first, she thought maybe it had missed her, because she didn't feel anything, felt numb from head to toe, frozen in time, just like Steve had been for so many years in the ice. Then the woman ran, hard and fast, out of her line of sight._

 _She tried to raise her hands to check herself over but found she couldn't move them. She looked down._

Oh.

 _Her pyjama shirt, that had little cats all over it, was soaked through with blood. It stained the pink fabric, leaking down onto her pyjama shorts._

 _Her legs gave out from underneath her and she fell onto the cold concrete ground, lying on her side. The pain suddenly hit in a wave so strong she thought she was going to be sick. She coughed and blood came out. She could taste it in the back of her throat._

 _Fear so biting it made her cry, rushed through her._ I think I'm going to die, _she thought and she didn't realise it at the time but she was crying. She managed to pull herself a few paces forward, toward the door to the basement, her hair dragging through the large pool of blood surrounding her, although she didn't notice._

 _Her head spun and her side burned so hideously that she almost_ wanted _it to end. But she would not give up. She dragged herself forward another foot or so before the door burst open and suddenly Bucky was there, above her. He pressed his hands to the wound to try and stop the bleeding and she cried out. He was shouting but she couldn't hear. And then his voice was softer and she still couldn't hear but the way his lips formed around the word 'Maddy' was so distinct that she just knew he was saying her name, over and over again._

" _Bucky," she think she managed to breathe. Steve was suddenly there too and then she was being lifted into Bucky's arms. She wanted to fall unconscious - badly, just so the pain would go away. She thought that was what happened in the movies - they got shot and then they fell unconscious and woke up all better, with just a bandage on and a doctor saying they were going to be fine. But she didn't fall unconscious. She stayed painfully awake the whole way to the hospital, even though her eyes felt heavy and her head spun like crazy. When Bucky finally put her down on the gurney, doctors and nurses swarming around her, she at long last let her eyes close and everything around her faded._

~O~

Maddy stepped out of the shower, rubbing at her fogged up mirror. She looked at her own reflection, the short hair, the flushed cheeks from the heat of the shower. Her hand reached up and her fingers trailed over the small, jaggedly-round scar a few inches above her right hip. She wondered if she would ever stop thinking about that night. She wondered if she would ever be able to just close her eyes as she lay in bed and not imagine the door bursting open. She wondered when she'd be able to sleep in the pitch black again, instead of leaving the bathroom light on and the door cracked. She wondered when she'd be able to stop obsessively checking the alarm system and the locks and closing all the windows before she even got into bed. And then closing her eyes and then opening them and getting up to re-check them, just one last time.

She wondered when she'd feel safe again.

 _Maybe never,_ she thought. _Maybe this is just it._ She closed her eyes. She couldn't believe that - it was too sad and too upsetting for her to accept. _Ellie gets here in a few days_ , she told herself. _Things'll be better after that_. It was a small spark of hope in an otherwise dim, grey-scale bathroom.

~O~

PLEASEEE leave a review and encourage me and keep me motivated! I need it lol! Thank you my loves xoxo Also I know you guys are probably thinking ugh when does this get back to being Maddy/Bucky and the answer is SOON! Like in the next 2-3 chapters I promise! Until next time xoxo


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